I'm your Lover, I'm your Zero.

I went to the Mayhem Fest. yesterday. It was a lot of fun, especially being able to hang out with my best friend. Disturbed was utterly amazing. Slipknot was pretty entertaining, but we didn't get to be that close to the stage. This wasn't one of those venues that you could really sneak into better seats, though we did, but they weren't as good as I wanted. We stayed in those seats for a while, next to a bunch of guys that looked pretty young. I didn't make much notice of it, till we sat down between sets. I noticed that they were all talking about me, and then TO me. I was like "Huh? What?" And then they all began "subtly" hitting on me/making conversation, one kid in particular. Corey? Maybe? I asked their ages, there were about 8 of them, not that shocked to find out they were youngin's at 18. And from NH. They must have thought I was young too, because they were somewhat surprised when I said Liss and I were 20. She found this whole situation hilarious. I'm pretty sure they thought she was cute too, but Billy was there. haha I was a little embarrassed as this seems to happen every time we go out. Like the Chevelle concert. Ughhhhhhhh. Boy-with-overly-calloused-hands. ::shudders::

I was a little down the whole time, for reasons brought on by conversation that I'm assuming I wasn't supposed to hear. I'm feeling down about it still. But I'm struggling with whether or not it should be threatening to me. Them making plans in front of me with no intentions of inviting me along.
Sure it happens to everyone, but we're adults now. I don't blame her and I don't resent her, but I wish she would just come out and say it. Say "we don't want you there" or whatever. It's much easier than me torturing my mind with questions and self-doubt. I was just under the impression that we were all friends, good ones at that, and that we were doing things as a group now, instead of me still being at their mercy of whether or not they will like me that night. I wish we did that at least. I like them. I only fear that it isn't reciprocated, and that must be the reason behind all this. :(

Not to mention I seem to be self-destructing. Maybe it's the stress brought on by the end of the summer and how I'm supposed to be in school next semester but still having no idea. I don't know. My birthday is coming up, and that's sure to be a shitshow like every year. I had a lot of good times this summer, and I hate that it's ending. I'm getting into one of those moods where I just want to pack up and leave and start a new life. Maybe I should follow Ed's lead.
Which reminds me that I need to call him soon.

I should hang out with Nicole soon. She usually helps with this destructive nature. Somehow LOL'ing about things and situations and people we mutually hate or find lulzy while shopping and driving helps a lot a lot. Don't know why.

I also wanted to see Melissa, but she has an a packed schedule. Boo.

Stress. Stress. Stress. I feel like this will all get better once I get a job and start meeting new people. Especially of the boy-kind.

Also, Breaking Dawn was a bit of a disappointment.

Crazy stalkers rejoice! I am home. And updating because I don't feel like going to bed quite yet.

So now I'm very tan and very tired. Sleeping on the futon in the presence of my grandfather = no sleep because he is the LOUDEST person in the morning. Me and my sister bickered the entire time of course. We ended up leaving a day early, and didn't do some of the stuff we wanted to because my sister was being a party pooper. She spent a lot of the time on the phone with her boytoy which was very irritating. I find it so aggravating when people need to talk to their significant others on a constant basis. Like, once a day maybe for a while, but several times a day is a little too much. Especialllyyy when you're on vacation with your family. Like, get over it, you're apart. YOU'LL LIVE. Stop interrupting time with other people just because you haven't said "hi" to him/her in an hour. I've never needed to talk to someone that freaking much.</mini rant>

But yeah. I walked onto the beach for literally 1 minute and saw these cute guys which I pointed out to my sister. Then they walked up to me, much to my surprise, and asked me to a party. I was like helllll yessss. But I didn't go, cuz that's weird. But yeah, I saw/talked to so many cuties. I was in heaven.

I bought a bunch of unnecessary things and it felt nice to be able to do that. I tried to invite Liss up, but she seemed to dodge the question, so I left it alone figuring she didn't know how to say she didn't want to go. ::shrug:: I wish she did because I was soooo bored and would have welcomed some company.

Welp, I've missed her and my other friends. Last time I saw them was at our friends, Meg and Dan's party, where my beloved ipod saw it's final day. :( We slept in tents in a giant thunderstorm. It was scary/cool. It was a really fun party IMO and I'm glad I went.

Well, that's it for now.

I'll be away on vacation for the week, and without internet. I know my stalkers will be disappointed to have nothing to stalk for a little bit, but a break from the routine is absolutely a must. I'm so excited for a week of beach and sun and hot d00dz everywhere. Maybe I'll meet a cutie! Come visit if you are looking for a day at the beach.

I'll try and get pictures and post those up somewhere. I'm gunna miss my kitty!
Try not to miss me too much :)

Just talked to Umass. They said they sent my requests months ago. Called Framingham, said they were sent to the wrong office and to do it all over again.

?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

So, you have my transcripts AT YOUR SCHOOL, but you won't get off your butt and look for them. So I have to send them again. Oh, and I have till August 5? Awesome. Oh, I won't get housing now? Cool.

Oh, and my parents won't help or care? Even better.

What have I been doing the past couple days? Not much.

I went and saw The Wailers, minus Bob Marley obviously. I was pleasantly surprised at how good they were. Me and the guitarist had a moment (more like many moments), haha. He kept looking at me, and I was like...right THERE in front of him haha. I don't go to a show were I'm not directly on top of the band (lol). And it's the second show in a row that I got soaked at, because it rained.

I also caught a cold, again. Because I spend more time at people's houses and up all night than sleeping. Sigh. So I've been hanging out with Trevor and helping him move. He's now up the road from me so he'll probably be here all the time.

I also went out to lunch with Liz and Ryan! They made me get out of bed at an ungodly hour (11am) haha. It was fun! We looked at phones and I'm thinking I want either the Dare, The Glyde, or The Voyager.

I also need to buy more board games. Or you can donate some to me. :)

The gorgeous Amy Lee was just on I Love The New Milenium, so I'm off to watch MOAR.<3

Storytime!

So, in one of the most awkward nights I've had recently, I was forced into a situation that involved a previous male stalker being at the same party as me. I was at Billy's, bidding farewell to his sister who lives in Vegas, and Liss apparently forgot to inform me that that particular stalker (because I'm starting to acquire quite a crowd of them...) was there (some wingman! haha I still love her) so I show up and am like, "uhhhhh OHAI" and proceeded to go to the otherside of the room, indefinitely. I was doing pretty good with avoiding him, until Liss went home. Then my stalker comes outside, where I've been sitting next to the fire, and he begins stumbling and falling on his face. Why you ask? Because A) he was piss drunk and B) he was trippin' on some pills. OHYES, he is an addict. The night progresses and he attempts conversation with me several times, but I shoot down every one. He then tells me "Sorry I haven't texted you lately..." and before he finished I was like, "You know what? That's quite all right with me." He's like, "yeah I figured you didn't want me to." He was right. But he persisted with me still, with Kenny and Ed, who were skeptical of how I described him, beginning to finally understand. He began fighting with Kenny, only to leave and fall asleep in his car/I think he took more pills. That was one situation I could have lived without.

Also, I hate that I let my little sister borrow my things, only to get them back utterly destroyed. Awesome.

I've been doing a lot of walking around my town, well mostly the backroads near my house, since I need to be bikini ready by the 26th. I don't necessarily need to workout but it's a good motivation to get some exercise and to help my dad with his. I like it. But I don't like being sore or having the blood pour from my ankles. But as my mom stated, "beauty is pain." Rawr.

There's this house that's in my town that's for sale, which is relatively cheap ($310,000) and I want it. It overlooks the resevoir, has a huuuuge yard, and is decently big. Can easily house like 4 people. I know that I obviously can't afford to buy a house. But it'd be nice if someone bought it and I could become their roommate! Wink, wink. I peeked in the windows and it has a cute little living room with a wooden floor and fireplace. OMG. SOMEBODY GET IT AND LET ME MOVE IN. RYAN. LYNDSEY. GET ON THAT. ASAP.

OF COURSE the one day I didn't pick up when Ed called because I wasn't feeling well, he had just been at gunpoint and wanted to talk to me about it. WAY TO FUCKING GO, CHRISTINA. I felt awful, but he is okay and he talked it out with me even though he seem so calm about it. I'd still be freaking out about it years later. I told him that I was uncomfortable with him only being there 2 months and already been at gunpoint, seen a murder scene, gotten in fights... I told him I worry that he'll get hurt. And now he's talking about getting a gun. I told him I was uncomfortable with the idea. He agreed and said he wasn't getting one. Thank goodness. Ugh, I get so nervous that he'll get hurt down there. I'm a worrier. Even right now I'm worried about whether he'll be okay. Maybe I'm completely overreacting, which is probably true, but after knowing he's had a gun pointed at him I just get scared that I won't ever see him again and he'll get hurt. Ahhhhh.

Okay, anyway, the other day I caught a stomach virus and was bedridden for 2 full days and absolutely couldn't move at risk of losing my shit and pukin' everywhere. It was the most painful experience ever. On top of that I had the WORST cramps. I burst into tears in the middle of a conversation with my mom. She was like "?!?!?!?" which I don't blame her cuz I didn't expect it either. I believe it's about time to see a doctor about my issues with my "monthly."

I realize why bars are so skeevy. I need to wear a shield to keep the groping hands at bay. I don't do well when strangers talk to me. I trip all over my words because I have a hard time concealing the fact that I do not want to speak to them.
But the past two nights have been really fun. I (and Liss, Billy, and his sister, mind you) sang "Love Shack" at karaoke at a bar in Worcester. LAWLL I'll leave you with that little tidbit since now's it's 4 am and I'm listening to the Lollipop Remix by Lil Wayne.

Goooodnight biiiiiitches.

I heard back from FSC, because I mailed them last week and they said that they didn't receive my transcript from Umass yet. FHE#*$@&$(*%#&%*(#&*(

Even though I mailed Umass weeks ago, possibly MONTHS ago, requesting that my transcript be sent to FSC, directly.

Umass is just a bunch of fucktards. THANKS A LOT FOR PRACTICALLY RUINING MY CHANCE AT GOING TO SCHOOL. Ughhhh. I wrote back telling them of this, hoping they'd understand.

In other news, I'm very, very annoyed at certain things lately. Things that I cannot change. Sighh.

And I laaawwlllled at something I saw today. Made my day. I neeeeed Nicole so we can share these stories and lawl together.

Ugh. Just woke up. And I'm terribly bored.

So, I went to the carnival the other day, picked up Nicole on the way, and we swapped stories the whole time. She has the best stories. Hahaha we went on the zipper and I got way nauseas and freaked out haha.
We didn't want to buy those stupid bracelets that are like 16 bucks so we just traded off with my sister and her boyfriend. We eventually got caught, so we left. It was rainy and poopy there anyway. My sister's boyfriend puked on the zipper. LOLL Then my sister got like spat on or something.

The fourth of July is probably my favorite holiday, right up there with Halloween, and I think this was the shittiest one I've ever had. It was rainy, we had a tiny cookout and all the food my grandparents made was food I hated, so I didn't even eat. Then of course no one wanted to see fireworks, which is the whole point of the fucking holiday, and of course if my mom doesn't want to do anything, that means we all can't do anything. So it was lame. We lit off some of our own fireworks but they were lame. Everything was lame. Ugh. I'm still upset about it.

I'm hoping Tyler comes down soon because I'll be on vacation from the 26th till August 2nd. So he won't have much time to get down here. Jeeez.

I need a job. I need a car. I need to hear back from FSC, who, for some reason, forgot about me :(
OH WELL.

I absolutely hate arguments and usually avoid them when I can, but God help you if you decide to push me over my limit. We've all seen my wrath, and no one ever gets left alive.

But, I know that I attempted to avoid it, and that's all I can ask of myself.

I went to six flags and rode the Superman 3 times in a row. I was so proud of myself.
Now I'm in the haunted room trying to sleep. It's not happening.